Tuesday, April 19, 2016

There is a time

Half a continent away from home, I have learned how to be free. 
I have learned how to take care of myself and brush through the crowds. I have come close to believing that I am one of them.
And when I think about the dreams I had in my room, the sanctuary of young girlhood, I have to smile, because real life is more complex than dreams--but more fulfilling.

Monday, March 16, 2015


Looking through the blogs of people I followed once is like wading through a graveyard.
Most of them are abandoned. Last post dates range from 2011 to 2013. I want to know what happened to them, to the community of teenagers I was a part of. We would check each other's new posts religiously and comment. There was so much we had in common despite living so far away.
But now we've grown up. Is there anything sadder than blogs lying forlorn across the grand wastelands of the Internet?
I know I stopped posting in 2012--and can barely read my old posts, they make me cringe so hard--but I left a link to my tumblr. It doesn't mean as much to me as this blog did but few things will.
If you used to follow me--if I used to follow you--check it out. And message me.

Monday, June 16, 2014

They tell you about love and passion. They do not tell you about heartbreak and pain. They do not tell you about white nights when you cannot believe that the sun will ever shine again. They do not tell you that love, like anything else, is subject to inertia.

Saturday, May 3, 2014

Tell me that I meant something to you, please.

Thursday, March 27, 2014


I don't think anyone reads this blog anymore. But I still keep it, because it reminds me what I was like at fourteen or fifteen-even though I'm far too embarrassed to look through the archives. Nearly everyone who blogged regularly with me has disappeared. The "Pakistani bloc", as I like to call them, have mostly taken down their blogs. And that's ok. But I feel nostalgic, sometimes, for that feeling of community:the excitement of seeing new comments and responding to them.
College life has been okay so far. I only realised how sheltered I was at school when I came to college...lol.
The other day, this (kinda cute)guy from college added me on facebook, and we messaged back and forth. Then he spoke about my blog-Bhadrawr. I was so shocked! How on earth did he find it? Apparently, it was listed on my fb page. So now I've taken it down. I'm not very ashamed of my fourteen-year-old self, but the past belongs in the past, I think. And a blog is very personal. Not like my tumblr, which I wouldn't mind anyone seeing.

Friday, April 19, 2013

I got into MUWCI

Which is an IB college in India. Except it's so much more than just an IB college. It's part of the UWC movement which was founded in the 70s-I think.
I really didnt expect to get in and was really surprised when I did, because it's really competitive.
Except....I may not go. I was way too casual about ti when I filled in the form and said I could pay the full fees. Well I can, but it's a lot of money which could be used for uni instead. And because I want to go to the UK for uni, there's no chance of me getting a scholarship from there. If I wanted to go to the US it would be a totally different story.
So...yea...i dunno.